The Process of Letting Go....

The process of letting go as your children approach adulthood is a bitter sweet process filled with either confidence or fear depending on how you have raised your children over the years.
In the younger years, training is of utmost importance; training to make their bed, training in cheerfulness and continual practice in daily routines that should become a part of everyday life over time. Their education is primarily knowledge based, fact related and fascination driven. Many boys love to read about astronauts and other science subjects and to develop the ability to make accurate observations. Some girls love insects, butterflies, also enjoy much in the line of science. This is a time to build a knowledge base of the English language and how the world works and to observe the wonders of creation.

In late childhood and early teens, the child should be ready for the understanding level, the ability and skill of drawing careful observations. History may come alive to many children at this time as they discover that history does repeat itself and can learn to love the ability to discern the lessons of history. Teaching your children about life and academic subjects becomes primary in a parents focus while training is being established.

Harvey Bluedorn of Teaching the Trivium: Christian Homeschooling in a Classical Style'>Teaching the Trivium: Christian Homeschooling in a Classical Style, says it well.

Your job would be to train the Knowledge Level to make accurate observations, teach the Understanding Level to draw careful conclusions, and coach the Wisdom Level to express themselves well and apply things effectively. Remember, all children of all age levels are developing all three of these capacities, Knowledge, Understanding, and Wisdom all of the time, but certain age levels are focused on certain levels.

As the child is approaching the late teen years, as my children are, I am seeing much of the later development taking place, the struggle to gain wisdom. This is the level where your job as a parent is to coach and mentor (or find mentors).

As I look back over the years I can see the whole process in arrears and can see obvious glaring holes in some of my parenting. Nevertheless, much of their development has been natural and we can rest that in all that we do God will assist us in doing His will in raising them for His Glory and that will include the natural process of growing up and developing into competent, capable young adults.

As I see my second son (third child) approaching adulthood, I long for the young sweet age of his toddlerhood, remember his tender childhood at 9 and 10 and see him developing into his manhood age as he is moving all too rapidly right now. He is taking on the attributes of manhood. He desires to look after me, and to protect me and to provide for me if necessary. All these things I cherish and long for and yet mean a time of change from childhood dependency to adult responsibility.

Ah the process of letting go is so bittersweet. Lord, give me grace.

Chance? No.... Providence, I say

I am so blessed. For many people church is a chore or an obligation, a routine like putting in time at the laundromat. Worse, to some, church attendance is a mindless exercise not being fully aware of exactly why we do this every week or twice yearly as it is with many in the traditional Bible Belt.

To my family, church is a wonderfully delightful "family event."

Why is my church so different? Well, I will tell you a story.

Several years ago I was having serious thoughts about Sunday school and youth groups. The battle for my children's hearts seemed continual and rotated around several issues raised always by events planned by the church. I found myself arguing with youth group leaders about the types of movies that were shown, late night hours and quite a load of junk food not only available but peer group encouraged to consume. Several rock concerts (Christian rock, of course) and the accompanied "lock in" sleep overs threatened to turn me into one of those raging parents in defence of my sweet ones innocence.

The events were all "fun" activities so I guess that is why we tend to overlook them at first but it gets deeper and so does the struggle. Most of the teen rebellion, be it large or small is generally then to be expected and parents are encouraged to go with it and just get them through it.

"Raise them in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it." Why then are 75 % of our youth leaving the church...permanently? I started realizing even though I believed in home education and non age segregated social life, I was somehow thoughtlessly sending my precious little hearts off in age segregated Sunday school classrooms and groups with whomever happened to be the teacher that day. And I often did not know what they were teaching my child about God (another clue...ABOUT God)

Furthermore, the youth group that my now grown children were attending several years ago was led by leaders not much older than my own children. (fools leading fools) Somehow that seems to qualify these leaders as "they can to relate to the kids where they are."

At one point the leader decided to have a (outreach) school book burning bonfire a the end of the school year.
Did I protest?
You know me too well!

Another time one of the youth group members was tied to a street post, toilet papered and sprayed with whipped cream and left there for what was supposed to be several hours...because it was his birthday. That activity was initiated by the youth leaders. I was not very popular when I let loose on them all and untied the poor boy, who by the way was not laughing! Neither is he in the church today.

Another memory comes to mind when I stumbled upon a youth group meeting in process while attending a wedding rehersal where 10 or 15 kids were gathered around a huge water barrel. I was confused seeing one of the young boys with his head immersed up to the neck in the floating ice and water. The kids around were counting hilariously. The challenge was who could keep their head under, breath held for the longest. I still recalled the deathly grey of his face and the obvious disorientation and seeming blindness of one such boy as he came bursting out of the glacier bath. I regret standing by silently in shock. Sufficeth to say I am glad for the leaders sake that my son was not the one in the barrel at the time I stumbled upon the scene. 911 would have had two calls that night.

Fortunately, because of a move to the middle of nowhere on acreage out in the sticks of Arkansas, I had the time to actually think about what I believe and more specifically what the Bible says about youth and how they are to be raised. Many verses immediately came to memory and I found even more as I searched the Scriptures. I started afresh and simply kept my children out of age segregated groups altogether. It wasn't met with a whole lot of encouragement, and even some downright mild rebukes but I held firm, stayed strong, and gained some quiet respect. Still I was continually frustrated by the wonderfully fun type of announcements of what the next Friday night group meeting would bring all the while my boys sitting beside me in church more than slightly pulled with desire.

Then it happened. I called an old friend back in Seattle to make the announcement that we were about to move back to the west coast and she said, "Oh, that' too bad. We won't be in town the weekend you arrive. We are going to a Conference."

My ears pricked up? "Oh? What conference? "

"A Uniting Church and Home Conference."

Uniting Church...and Home... Conference? I was intrigued.

She explained only a little and I knew I had to go. "Do you mean to say that there are other people out there who believe in keeping children's hearts at home and within the family, even at church? That there are whole churches that do not divide the family in age segregated groups the minute you walk through the door? That there aren't any youth group fun filled foolishness packed activity's announced over the microphone for me to have t0 say no?

"Yep."

And to make this story shorter, through that wonderful conference over three years ago we found one of those rare and wonderful churches. At first, to be honest with you, it was a little different and hard to get used to. We were used to a different style of worship and quite easier messages to listen to.
Within a few short weeks though, you could not drag my boys away from the sweet fellowship of mixed ages of many wonderful home school families who believed exactly as we did. Many of them had come through the same path as we did. Furthermore, our new Pastor's wonderful expository preaching spoiled us for anything less for ever more. It is deep and accurate and he lives his faith explicitly.

I confess again, this isn't an easy church to sit in. I have had quite a bit of my theology redefined and challenged. Every week I find myself crying out to God to make me more Holy as He is Holy as I apply the Word to my heart. That, if you have never tried it, is not comfortable.

Consequently, we have all grown in our faith and we have the most wonderful friends of all ages. One of my best friends is 15, a beautiful and fully competant young lady who is the second of 11 children. One of her younger brothers I affectionately call my "little buddy." I have intimate fellowship with both adult single ladies of the church and older Saints in the Lord. Our church is filled with families, fathers and mothers, not just women attendees- a common plight in this manless culture. All over the building you can see every age fellowshipping with any and every other age and group, a teenager talking to a 5 year old, a twenty some thing young lady talking to an older man.

We also have a shared meal at the end of each service. What sweetness of fellowship. It is a whole day of truth in the Word, fellowship with sweet unspoiled home educated friends, and home cooked nourishing food. And all of this is not in a small isolated country town in the center of nowhere but in the heart of one of the busiest and most liberal cities in the US. Seattle.

Chance? No,... Providence, I say.

Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.

We are so blessed! Thank you Lord, for your direction. Had I not been struggling, I may not have recognized your blessing and found a place to both challenge us and found a place of quiet rest.

For a directory of family integrated churches in your area check out this link. I highly recommend at least a visit.

Living a Lifestyle of Learning daily

Consider what God's Word says about Children's Education, by Julie Beth Lamb

Therefore do not worry, saying what shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or what shall we wear? (or what shall we teach? or how can we afford it?) for after all these things the gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things, but seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, (and point your children there continually) and all these things (the education and materials your children need) shall be added unto you (and them) Matthew 6:31-33.

And you, fathers (and mothers), do not provoke your children to wrath (by teaching them secular views that are contrary to God’s Word and take them out from under His protection), but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord (all day, not just when the government’s hours of training are over) and having good will doing service (learning the important lessons of serving family and community), as to the Lord (through whom all things are possible) and not to men (from whom we should be set apart) Ephesians 6:4,7.

God will feed (and provide everything needed) His flock like a shepherd, He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom (and make sure they are prepared for His good plan, with His work and through His people, not with government curriculum) and gently lead those who are with young (in the right way to educate their children for Him) Isaiah 40:11.

For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord (plans from His word for your protection and guidance, your obedience and preparation for His use) plans of peace and not of evil (so you don’t have to be afraid to just trust and follow His ways and not man’s ways)to give you a future and a hope (our hope lies in loving and fearing God) then you will call upon Me and find Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you (and your schooling concerns) and you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart (God will be found in prayer, His Word and Godly curriculum, He will not be found in government school curriculum and ideas) Jeremiah 29:11-13.

Train up a child in the way he should go (discipling him in God’s ways, by His instruction) and when he is old he will not depart from it (he will love God and obedience to Him and will have been walking with Him through the school years) Proverbs 22:6.

And whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea (as parents we have a great privilege and responsibility to protect and train these little ones as God intends, never putting them into a situation or training them with curriculum that could cause them to stumble) Mark 9:42.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies (and every moment of our lives) a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service (not defiled by ungodly training). And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (by a constant focus on God and His Word), that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (we must be set apart from the traditions of the world and pressures from others who say that it would be too hard or costly to follow God rather than the world’s way. We must trust God that if we allow Him to guide our children’s steps, through a Godly school life as well as a Godly home life He will conform them to His righteousness and prepare them for His usefulness) Romans 12:2.

May the God of Grace show you His way to educate the children He has entrusted to you.

Used by permission.

JulieBeth Lamb thanks God for allowing these words to flow through her and prays they are a blessing to others as God has allowed them to bless her. She and her husband Rex are the leaders of a homeschool group in Oakdale, California. They have been homeschooling their five children since 1993 and have three still to graduate. Contact her at Cowgirl4Ever@clearwire.net or 209-838-6062

Character first- but how?

We all know that character is first and most important in raising your children, not academics, not accomplishments, not creativity.... but character. We all set out to accomplish this daunting task and soon run into the absolute impossibility of this idealistic approach. It is not as easy as it sounds and most often we run into both the sin nature of our children and the battle for our own obvious lack of character. The two worlds collide as we realize that our own character training may not have been as thorough as we may have thought.

Furthermore, the thing that I have most objected to over the years in the homeschooling arena is everyone seems to say that character is supposed to be first in their children's training but no one seems to say how to do that. We really do not know what that means in the application of everyday life.

After raising two great kids and two more almost ready for the world, I can now say that raising children with the principles of honesty, integrity, perseverance, determination, thoroughness, respect, etc, is not easy, but it is simple.

In one word, it is relationship. We are all made for relationship (with God himself and also with each other) but our sin nature pushes us to hide from relationship and especially accountability in those very relationships that we treasure the most. Nevertheless, as you are raising our children jealously guard those important relationships. Let nothing come in between you and your child.

(Warning-peer and age segregated activities may be the number one threat.) (more on this later, in another post)

When you blow it, loose your temper, or selfishly push them away, etc, apologize and get this slate cleaned quickly. Make sure you do not repeatedly offend or they will not believe your apologies. If you can retain that precious respect you child has for you then you will be able to speak into your child's life much easier as your child gets older. In fact, the ability to which your child accepts difficult instructions or corrections from you is the degree to which you hold his heart.

Keep in mind always that your child wants - no - needs a relationship with you, even if he does not show it. Some personalities are very appreciative and expressive and the need for relationship is obvious. Others are less demonstrative but need you nonetheless. This principle has held me on track many a time when I felt so overwhelmed with the hopelessness of one of my children getting the lesson I am trying to have him master. Overtime it will be the strength of the relationship that will cause the weight and pressure your child will need to reach out and grasp perseverance or obedience or whatever you may be working on, when you expect it of him.

Let us not become weary in well doing, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity (while our children are still under our roof), let us do good, to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers (our children)

Galatians 6;9

How about any one's experience? How have you been able to teach character and still maintain relationship with your children?

Create a Housekeeping Franchise.

Systems. Every successful business uses systems. Some of the most successful francises today sell their operating systems for huge fees all based on a system of proven success. The Francise fee is not for a product, stock or anything other than the system, and usually training in that operating system.

Keeping a household is simply a system, too. Setting up that system takes lots of work, thinking, planning and trial and error. I have been working on systems for many years and just about feel like I have it into a workable routine that is both workable and flexible for the days that I am called out of town. The routine must be easily picked up again without much stress and back tracking. I have started keeping a day of the week clip board on the wall of my pantry with job lists and descriptions for everyone's use and referral. Here it is below. Each day should only be about a half hour or less so it fits in with our morning routine before we go for a walk.

Maintenance Monday,
Laundry-all dark colors
I keep a rotating household maintenance schedule including monthly chores like changing the furnace filter, emptying the vacuum tank or washing the car. Each Monday the next item on the list comes up. Once per month I have added jobs to be done every 6 months instead like washing the windows.

Terrific Tuesday
Laundry-all ironing and leftover folding of darks.
It is so terrific because we get all the garbage out of the house and out to the road. All the recycle has to be separated, etc

Wipedown Wednesday
Laundry-all grey colors
All vertical items such as fridge, dishwasher and doors and switches are to be wiped. On another clipboard I rotate less frequent jobs like wipe down the freezer lid in the garage, top of fridge and the monthly wiping of kitchen cupboards, garbage cans. Each week one of the above chores comes up on the chart along with the usual doors, etc).

Thorough Thursday.
Laundry-mending and folding leftovers of greys
This is the day that all the bathrooms get cleaned (by me) but the boys do a though clean up of anything that gets left out during the week. All dusting of horizontal items such as lamps, table tops, etc.

Fun Friday
Laundry- all white or light colors
A final vacuum of the whole house and the boys wash the kitchen floor. We usually try to do something fun as well like go to the beach, or more often, go shopping. In the summer that means garage sale shopping and that really is fun!

That takes us right through all the household chores for the week and if all goes well the house is clean by Friday afternoon. Saturdays are reserved for anything that may come up be it fun or work, or leftover work if we had to travel or got behind during the week.

This works for me!

Living a Lifestyle of Learning daily

A prodical's return - a moms' story

The importance of keeping your child's heart is so important BUT life happens and we are not perfect and we do offened and put distance between us and our precious children. When that happens we may not even know it has happened as many of us chalk distant behavior as normal growing distance that is supposed to happen between us and our teens as they mature. NOT SO. The emotional connection is meant to continue and grow in intimacy thoughtout the years so that the most important years of their lives, the teens and early twenties, are not left to chance or worse peer influence. Our children should not be without a guide, confidant or words of wisdom when they need them.

Moms- do not let your children go. DO not loose their hearts but if you do here is a story of a sweet mom willing to face some difficult issues in her own life and the fruit that came out of it. She regained her son's heart! (This email is in responce to an inquiring email on a yahoo group that I belong to.)

Dear Susan,

I wanted to give testimony of what the Lord has done in our family. You have written a perfect description of my son up until a couple years ago when he was 13. He is also second born, just like the son described here. I read your e-mail to him as well, and he said, "That sounds just like how I was!"

He's 15 now, and he is sooo changed. I have his heart completely, and he is willingly and eagerly attentive to my every instruction and influence. He's become affectionate and loving toward me and all his siblings. (I have 5 kids all together). He's become very focused in fully directing his own education with self government, and valuable purpose, with the only curriculum being his math book.

So, how did this happen? That's what I want to share and encourage others with. I've been trying to think of how to express what happened in a brief e-mail, but truthfully, I could write a book about it if I had the time. So I'll just try and hit some of the main things I learned.

He's not the only one who's had major changes. It began when I started to learn from a friend who was loving enough to tell me the truth, that I was motivated by my desire to be accepted by the people around me, in all that I did. I cared more about my image, than about my children and my home. A couple years ago, I would not have agreed with her, but now I see, she was totally right.

Part of what frustrated me the most about my son, if I was really honest, is that he wasn't conforming to my image of how my homeschooling family was supposed to be turning out. Even though no one around me really even knew about it. From the outside my family was quite perfect looking. I'm not talking about a life of pretending to be one way in front of people and being another at home. My desire for my image of the perfect family was carried out in my everyday life, whether anyone outside the family could see me or not.

I started listening to my conscience about how I was treating my family members. I started changing, and I soon began to speak with my children about listening to their consciences, and how our conscience will always lead us toward acts of love, and away from acts of self-centeredness. I noticed that my younger children were quite sensitive to obeying their consciences, but my 13 yr old son was not. I came to realize the truth, that he did not want to obey his conscience. I let him know, and I admitted as well, that he had not surrendered his heart to the Lord. Up until that time, I had thought he prayed the sinners prayer, that means he's a Christian, just like the rest of us.

At that time, I had been frustrated with him not taking up the smallest of disciplines. I wanted him to wash his face, clean his room, keep his school records. He was regularly avoiding these small things, and sometimes even lying about doing them. At that time, the Lord showed me a principle, that Love enables us to obey.

With this understanding, and by the leading of the Holy Spirit, I required my son to meet with me at 8:00 each morning for a few minutes. In these minutes, I sat close to him, and put my arm around him. I told him I loved him, and ran my hand through his hair and touched his face. I brought up anything I could encourage him with about the previous day. I prayed for him, and then asked him to remember the 3 small things I wanted him to do. I kissed him, and then asked him to go do them before breakfast. I was doing this in obedience to the Lord, and it was a sacrifice. He had not been an affectionate son for many years.

I thought this was just the Lord's solution to getting him to do these 3 small things, but He had much more in mind. Over the days, my son was easily able to do the tasks, but something else was happening. He began to look forward to being loved on. He loosened up, and began to lean into my affection. He began to ask me about small relational problems he was having with his siblings. Actually, he began to ask me lots of things, just to be able to stay longer in my arms. Even though he showed no indication of returning the affection.

I didn't really know it at the time, but his heart was being turned toward me. One night, there was a big storm, in which my dog disappeared. We began to search for him, and my son was the most concerned. I thought at the time he was concerned about the dog, but I later learned, he was concerned about me, because he knew how much I loved my dog. The next afternoon, he found my dog, killed in the ditch. I cried, and my son comforted me. The Lord had been speaking to his conscience, and as we prepared to bury my dog, he felt compelled to confess his hidden sexual sin to me. He was afraid that his sin had caused my dog to die. He came to me trembling and weeping, and asking my forgiveness. I showered him with forgiveness and hugs, and I assured him it wasn't true, but the Lord was allowing him to understand in a kid understandable way, that our sin did cause His son to die. The Lord was allowing my son to be broken over his sin, and the hurt that he thought had caused me, even though I didn't know about his sin. He told me that he felt very guilty about his sin, and he had tried often to stop, but he was always afraid to tell me. He thought I would get really mad. But, he said, now he knew that I loved him enough to help him get out of the sin, instead of just getting mad about it. I was stunned, but I knew it was the work of the Lord. I began to cry again, but this time it was in gratefulness to the Lord, that the death of my dog brought my son's heart to me.

Since that time, my son has continued to meet with me every morning at 8:00. I no longer require it, but he wouldn't miss it for the world, and neither would I. He sits with me, often for an hour. Sometimes I have to tell him to leave, so that he'll have time to get some breakfast. All those little tasks, he eagerly does and more, before he meets with me. Now we talk about his projects, and how he can overcome the challenges he's having with them, and how he can make them more well rounded by including some self generated writing projects. We talk about his relationship with each of his siblings, and how he can purposefully improve them, with self-sacrificing love. He's learned to say nice things, which he could never bring himself to do before. I hold him accountable, and ask about his conscience regularly. He looks me square in the eyes with a big beaming smile, and tells me his conscience is clean. He often speaks about how he never wants to go back to hiding sin, and the horrible feelings of living in guilt and hidden shame. He talks candidly about how his fear of my disapproval lead him to become a liar. He speaks with teary eyes of how the Lord has set our family free.

He is right. It was my disapproval, which was actually being formed by my own fear of being disapproved of. I wanted to be perfect, and have the perfect family, so I was quick to discipline my children into conforming to my image of the perfect family. I put it to another young mom this way, if you want your kids to be obedient, and to excel so that you will look good, then they will become what you are, a user of others for self-centered gain. Those days are long gone. I only need to love them, and truthfully show them the way toward obeying their conscience, and always choosing to love, as the Holy Spirit leads, first and foremost toward their siblings and parents and never using others for anything, even for seeking approval.

My story is not a formula to get your teenager's hearts. But I did learn several principles that are always true. Love enables us to change, and we can't help our children to change if the reason we want them to change is for our own image, for then we are only using them, not loving them. Everyone has a need to be known for the wretches that we truly are, and still be loved. The Holy Spirit knows what is needed, but His way will always include doing things we'd really rather not do. I thought it was only my adolescent son who's heart I did not have, but after coming to see what it was like to truly have someone's heart, I saw that I didn't have my older daughter's hearts either, even though they appeared to be much more compliant, and wanting the things of the Lord. Our family is totally changed now. Praise to the Lord!

I know I haven't been able to express all of the aspects of our total family transformation in this e-mail, but I am open to questions that can draw out more principles about what I have learned about the way the Lord works.
Susan, please be encouraged, the Holy Spirit knows what to do, He's only waiting for your co-operation with His ways. I have been praying for you.

Barbie

If you have any questions or discussions for Barbie, post them here and I will pass them on to her for her for reply, or email directly at bpoling@aol.com

What is True Education? by JulieBeth Lamb

What is real education? Well, the Noah Webster's 1828 American dictionary of the English language says it is the bringing up, as of a child. Education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations.

To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable. As homeschooling parents we need to remember that education means training up our children in the way they should go, spiritually, socially and educationally, in that order. Our goal is raising up our children to be Godly, hard working, socially responsible, good neighbors and friends who are literate and have good sense.

Knowing God is the number one goal for our children. I want them to really know God, to understand Him, who He is and always has been, in the Old Testament, the New Testament, and today. It is important for them to build a real faith of their own, not just out of obedience to us.

Daily devotional time, including Bible reading, prayer and a quiet listening time, is a habit best learned at a young age. Family Bible time gives a safe forum for asking questions and really delving into the Word. Catechisms of the faith teach children the fundamentals as a foundation for the adult decision for the Lord we are all praying our children will make.

Hard Work prepares a child to be successful in every segment of life. As an employee, husband/wife, business person, church leader or friend it is necessary to work hard for those activities to flourish. It is our responsibility to train our children to work hard, respect authority, follow the rules, think of others, be prompt, go above and beyond, use common sense and thoughtfulness in every endeavor and do every thing as unto the Lord, for His glory.

Service to Others gives children a sense of themselves and that they are an integral part of this big world they live in. We need to be giving to others because they are important, and children can serve because they have been given gifts by God to share with those around them. Some of our children will run with this concept and organize large scale service projects, but the child who rakes the leaves in an elderly neighbor’s yard is sharing God’s grace is an equally significant way.

Citizenship means so much to many of us homeschool parents because it is our involvement in our communities, local government, lobbying and campaigning that has bought our homeschool freedoms and keep them secure. We need to include our children at every age, not to brainwash them to believe what we say they should think, but to help them understand that each person is important in our democracy.

Children need to understand the founding fathers’ principles and reasons for setting up a representative government. The Biblical principles that guide a Christian’s understanding and response to our government need to be ingrained in our children. Visits to state legislators, the courthouse, and an election office are valuable for every age.

Cultural Literacy doesn’t mean our children understand all the teen slang or have read every popular novel. It does mean that they can read books and have conversations fully understanding all the geographical, literary, historic and cultural references. I don’t care if my children can recite all of the state capitals, but I do want them to understand that when a person says they come from the coast of Maine that it is a cold climate full of small fishing towns. And it isn’t necessary that they listen to opera sound tracks all day long, but they need to know that opera is sung with a strong voice and often in a foreign language.

Broad experiences with different locations, art, literature, music, and cultures under the safe care of parents who can interpret them in the light of scripture will bring that element of cultural literacy to your children.

Reading Good Books is the backbone of a quality education. For little ones it means reading aloud as a family, when they get older they can participate in the reading. Delving into a classic will take a child to a different world and time, introducing them to unique characters and beautiful language. High quality abridged versions and even good videos allow more of these stories to be shared. “Every age has its blind spots. The antidote to this condition is to read old books. The people in other times had different blind spots than we do and the light of their understanding reveals the dark spaces in our own. That is what a true education should do” C.S. Lewis.

Appreciating the Arts can be a daunting task if we allow it to be. Learning to love the beauty that God has blessed man with in art, music and culture doesn’t have to be overwhelming. We don’t need to be experts to help our children grow in the arts. Today there are many tools for homeschoolers who desire them. But simple tasks of listening to different types of music, looking at a variety of artwork, and discussing them in the light of God’s Word is enough to give our children an appreciation for the arts and those who have been gifted to share them with us.

Suitable Book Learning IS homeschooling to many families. While this is a necessary part of preparing our children to live and work in this world and allows Christians to be a good witness, it is at the bottom of my priority list. This can be an intimidating part for many, trying to find just the right curriculum. Colorful catalogs and well meaning friends can just make it more difficult.

It is so special to help our children learn to read and write, understand mathematical principles and grasp the wonders of creation and our providential history.
Sometimes it takes extensive trial and error to determine what type of education works best for our students and their teachers. We need to find explicitly Christian materials that give our children glimpses of God’s greatness in creating language, numbers, creation, colors, everything! It is important not to exasperate our children with unrealistic expectations.

Training up a child in the way he should go doesn’t just mean learning obedience to God, but also growing in the path God has chosen for him allowing for the bents he has been blessed with. If you are having trouble choosing a suitable educational style and appropriate materials for your family, talk to lots of moms and dads. Choose those who have been homeschooling for several years and have been successful in the long term. Take what they say and use whatever works for you and discard what doesn’t apply to your family. You will begin to see a picture of what is best suited for your family homeschool.

There is no magic homeschool bullet that will make your children smart and lovely. But our God of grace has good plans for our children that are higher than ours, plans for a future and a hope. Lots of quantity time from both mom and dad with our children, and even more quantity time on our knees talking with and listening to our Lord will help us have the wisdom we need to understand those plans and be partners with God in preparing our children for them.

JulieBeth Lamb thanks God for allowing these words to flow through her and prays they are a blessing to others as God has allowed them to bless her. She and her husband Rex are the leaders of a homeschool group in Oakdale, California. They have been homeschooling their five children since 1993 and have three still to
graduate (until May 2008 when there will only be two left in school). Contact
her at Cowgirl4Ever@clearwire.net or 209-838-6062.

That's my son!

The Christian Heritage Conference was amazing. We are all exhausted from a wonderfully inspiring weekend with hundreds (1300+) of fellow homeschool families. The speakers were incredible. The location was perfect and the performances were excellent. My hats off to the wonderful board of home educating families that serve the Lord though the ministry of this conference and other events that you serve in so expertly. You know an event was executed perfectly when it comes off without a hitch. They make it look so easy! It is a pleasure knowing you all.

Oh and...there he is, do you see him? The tall handsome young man in the front row....that is my son! Forgive me my maternal pride , but I think he sang the best!
(Actually both of my sons are in this picture but I could not catch my oldest sons head out from behind the guy in front of him. He is directly behind Graydon, up three rows, and over to the right one person.... completely behind someone's ones head.)

Mother Culture- I Love Being a Woman.

Today was an unusual day. We did not do much school work at all: just didn't have time, but we did enjoy a rich education. In preparation for the upcoming Christian Heritage and Family Discipleship Conference in which my boys were singing in the chorale, we all sat at the piano and plunked out parts. I'm not at all very good at reading music anymore. I used to love and live for band class where I became very proficient in a couple of brass instruments. But that was so long ago, and without much practice my music reading abilities have gone down hill. But nevertheless we all sat around and laughed, and prodded, and lifted our voices in praise in some really great hymns of the faith.

Later, after dinner was in the crock pot, Graydon (15) and I went out to Value Village to find a white long sleeve shirt and a black bow tie, standard fare for the performances. I figured the shirt would be easy but as I suspected not one bow tie to be found. Oh well, I looks like I will be doing the same as last year when I made my oldest sons tie. I was hoping that I still had black fabric at home along with the red striped bow tie that I will take apart to use the metal clip.

No such forethought.

I did not even have any black fabric but I did have some very, very, dark blue silk that I had planned on cutting off the bottom of my favorite silk blouse that was too long. Ha, it will work! I did not have to go out again! So, after dinner I went upstairs to work on the bow tie, and in short order it was finished. Graydon glowed with pride when I told him that a silk bow tie is extra special! No one else will have a silk bow tie at the chorale! Later in the evening I took one boy at a time and went over some more parts and we laughed and really enjoyed ourselves!

What would our family be like if I worked all day! What if I had 6 loads of laundry to do and had a headache from traffic stress? What if I had to pick up a weeks groceries on the way home, arriving after 7 to start dinner? What if I had chores to line up and homework to check and attitudes to get back in line?

What would it be like? My life would not be rich with Mother culture! Mother culture is the special home type of nurturing and emotional security that only a tender and a loving mother can provide. She is there to do whatever is needed, whenever it is needed. She is flexible, creative, productive and resourceful. All these things add to the culture of the home making it a wonderful place to nurture and raise children.

I am grateful for the priviledge of staying home full time, even though that too has its challenges but I would not want to ever miss out on the wonderful benefits of developing my womanhood and growing the value of mother culture in my family. I know my boys will also want their wives to stay home and be all they can be to serve their families as well.

Life is good when we are doing what God has called us to do. Thank you, Lord for making me a woman; for creating in me a desire to be a homemaker and giving me the ability to do it to the best of my ability.

Christian Heritage Home Education and Discipleship Conference.

I cannot wait. The annual Christian Heritage and Family Discipleship Conference is one of the best (homeschool) conferences I have ever attended, and over the past 18 years of educating my children at home, I have attended many conferences. Most of them were very good, instructional and informative but this conference is inspirational. The vision of the Washington State Christian Heritage conference is to inspire home discipleship as the first and foremost priority and after that all other necessary ingredients to a child's successful upbringing (education) will gracefully fall in place. Once this order is put in place, a wonderfully secure home will produce children that will want to stay home with you more than almost anything else in the world. And I'm talking through the teenage years!

If you live close enough or if you will be in the Seattle area next weekend, April 17-19, 2008, please drive, fly or crawl your way to this conference with this years big name speaker Douglas Phillips of Vision Forum. This week I'll be a little tied up serving and helping out so I may not be able to post as much but will definitely once I get a free moment. I know I will want to share the excitement of the moment with you......maybe even a picture or two.

Two recipes- One for Chaos and One for Achievment

The Recipes for Chaos and Achievement
I read this article and a response from Former Elijah company's owner and mom to three homeschooled kids, Ellen Davis in a newsletter I subscribe to and wanted to share it with you. The article is by Dr. Phillip E. Humbert (Copyright (c) 2006, all rights reserved. Contact him at: www.philiphumbert.com or email: Coach@philiphumbert.com.him

We all want lives of achievement, health, happiness and some measure ofwealth. And yet, the vast majority end up leading relatively average, middle-class lives. How can this be? How can so many of the world's most educated people end up working paycheck to paycheck?

I think the answers are pretty simple.

Most of us were never taught HOW to create and live a great life! We don't
study this in school. We admire people who have done great things, but no one
coaches us, no one shows us the way. And so we stumble. We struggle. We ARE
educated, ambitious, educated people and we do the best we can, but without the
basic recipe, too often we get only average results.

So, I want to share with you two of the most important "recipes" I know. I teach these formulas to my coaching clients and I want to share them with you. My price? Only this: If you find them helpful, I ask that you pass them on to at least two other people. Forward this email, or print it out and mail it to two friends. I hope you're willing to do that.

Ok, here we go.

The Recipe for Chaos
The first recipe is what I call the recipe for chaos.
It goes like this:

Impulse + Opportunity = Chaos

Every day, we all have impulses to study or to spend, to do our work or to
watch television. Impulses are merely ideas that pop into our brains and
momentarily catch our attention. The problem is that they are relatively random
and too many are based on casual appetites or unhealthy temptations. There's
nothing inherently bad or wrong with our impulses, but there is nothing
inherently good or trustworthy about them, either.

And, too often our impulses get matched with opportunity for instant
gratification. Here's how it works.

Consider the impulse to spend, combined with a credit card in your wallet.
Too often, the result is casual debt, and that can be a problem. Or how about
the impulse to watch television (just one show), combined with a beautiful new
TV in the family room? Too often, the result is wasted time. You see the
pattern?

Impulses happen. When we surround ourselves with opportunities for instant
gratification, the result can be a life lurching out of control.

The Recipe for Achievement
Now, consider another recipe, the one for achievement.
Here it is:

Desire + Discipline = Achievement

"Desire" comes from Latin words that mean "of the father." Our deepest
desires represent our true longings, our mission or purpose or values in life.
When we are clear about our real DESIRES and combine them with a disciplined
life, the results can be astonishing!

Jonas Salk had the DESIRE to prevent polio and the DISCIPLINE to do the
research, study his notes and make the discoveries. The results changed the
world.

Mary Kay Ash (of Mary Kay Cosmetics) had the DESIRE to help single moms
like herself, and the DISCIPLINE to find a way. She had no money (she started
with $500) and no business experience, but she pressed forward. She changed an
industry and helped millions of women in the process.

Random impulses in a world of undisciplined opportunity can lead to chaos,
debt, and disaster. Knowing your deepest DESIRES and matching them with even
minimal DISCIPLINE, however, is the recipe for achievement. When Stephen Covey
talks about "starting with the end in mind," he's talking about being clear
about your desires. When we talk about written goals, we're talking about strong
desires. When you know what you truly want, and go after it with discipline and
determination, the results are astounding.

That's the recipe for achievement!

Below are my (Ellen Davis) thoughts about this article.

What Does This Have to Do With Home Schooling?

Well, if you're like me, there have been times your home schooling has been chaotic and there have been times you have actually felt a sense of achievement and accomplishment. The same two recipes apply. When I look back on the times of chaos in my home schooling (or in my life, for that matter), they pretty much followed Dr. Humbert's recipe:

Impulse + Opportunity = Chaos.

Except I would add another ingredient to his recipe. Mine would go like
this:Impulse + Justification + Opportunity = Chaos-First there was the impulse.
It usually happened at a bookfair or at a support group meeting. It went like
this...."Oh my gosh! Janey's been using this really neat program that teaches
her kids how to be math whizzes in three weeks! I want to try that with my
kids!"After the impulse usually came the justification. My mind would come up
with all sorts of rationalizations as to why I needed to spend the grocery money
on this new program. "This will give my kids a brighter future. This will allow
them to do better on their ACTs. And besides, I can always sell it to another
home schooler when I'm done with it."

Next came the opportunity. I just log onto a website, pull out my credit
card, and, before I know it, I've bought the $300 math program, rearranged my
whole school schedule, and voila! all of the ingredients have been added to the
mix to create a big batch of chaos. Then comes the chaos.

Six weeks later the expensive math program is sitting on the bookcase shelf
in the garage and I'm trying to restore order to an out of control schedule and
frantically catching everyone up on what we missed in our regular math program
by taking our detour into becoming math whizzes.This isn't to say that we
shouldn't divert from our plans.

When things are obviously not working, it's time to reconsider our options
and regroup. This is called experience not impulse.Or, on a beautiful spring
day, we may want to put the regular school materials aside and take a nature
walk to just enjoy the changing season. This is called spontaneity, not impulse.
The difference between experience or spontaneity and impulse is that experience
and spontaneity occur within a structure of desire and discipline. Dr. Humbert
calls it "disciplined opportunity."Somehow, we've gotten the idea that
"discipline" is a dirty word. It's usually associated with punishment of some
sort.

Chaos is, by its very definition, a state of extreme confusion, disorder,
and unpredictability. Discipline refers to order, predictability, and
clarity.Discipline is simply the act of creating a context of in which order,
predictability, and clarity is more prevalent than confusion, disorder, and
unpredictability. True creativity and accomplishment can only occur in such a
context.

I have a friend who grow up in a very abusive, chaotic home and she has
tended to continually recreate her childhood once she became an adult. She's in
counseling right now, and this week the counselor zeroed in on chaos. The
essence of her advice to my friend was to try and become aware of the process
that goes on when she creates chaos--the feelings, the actions, the thoughts.

In other words, she should start trying to be mindful of how she creates
chaos. Now that we know the recipe, we can also become more mindful of why we
create chaos in our lives. And we can choose achievement instead.

Grace Based Parenting

I believe in grace based parenting but in my many attempts at explaining exactly what I mean by that, I fall short in my meager explanations.(maybe because I have not mastered it myself) Until now. I came across a marvelous example of what grace based parenting is through a wonderful living book called Little Women by Lousia May Alcott. If your daughter has not read it she should and if you have a chance to read it aloud, even better. Chapter 8 has a marvelous example of how a loving mother tenderly leads her daughter, who is quick-tempered and unforgiving, through listening to her, validating her, sharing honestly before her, loving her, and leading her to relationship with her Father-God.

Lord, help each of us moms (me in the formost) to learn how to parent with grace and lead our children to relationship with You... AND thank you Lord for my friend, Linda,for bringing this book to my attention. Thanks Linda, you are a never ending source of inspiration!

Training Hearts to be Joyful.

Many have assumed at first sight that the term Lifestyle of Learning implies a willy nilly or undisciplined approach to parenting and education. Nothing could be further from the truth. As I am continuing my New Years goal of getting things back in order and re focusing on many good habits that have slipped out in the past year I am starting to focus on inner heart attitudes that both my children and I have slipped into sloppiness. These are the non negotiables that I have determined that I will not give in on. Child Training is important and quite honestly, not understood by many of us who tend to think spanking takes care of heart conditions, however corporal punishment is not training. Neither is training simply repeated practice but also holding ourselves and our children accountable. The following heart attitudes are in training right now at our house.

We will be happy in the morning, evidenced by smiling and polite respect when mom approaches sleeping children to get up in the morning. My approach is to firstly model this by my happy heart and then to hold each child accountable to do the same back to me and to each other.

I am also using tools- music can be a tool. We have a series that I have enjoyed for years called the Scripture Memory Series The one that I play every morning right now as I'm getting them up is the CD featuring Scriptures on Anxiety and its opposites-trust and joy.

Another tool is to train them in daily Bible reading and study as well, modelled and required by Mom (and Dad but even if Dad does not Mom can still be the major influence in her children's lives. )

Proverbs 12:25

Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs him down (causes depression)

but a good word makes him glad.

Proverbs 15:13

A joyful heart makes a cheerful face

When the heart is sad the spirit is broken.

Joy is a product of a healthy relationship with out heavenly Father. As my morning times are focusing on a disciplines of morning Bible reading, study and prayer (and journalling) I am focusing on establishing this habit firmly in my children's lives as well-thereby producing the fruit of JOY..... and a happy face, and then peace and blessing in our homes as well.