Words of Wisdom for a New Couple

This weekend we are going to be attending a wedding of a young couple that we have known since the groom he was about 5 years old. We have been family friends with his parents and we have watched each others children grow up and now get married. One of the wonderful ways that his mother has decided to celebrate her son's wedding is that she has asked the attendees to write some words of wisdom to be returned with the RSVP so they can be printed and included in a wedding album for the new couple.
It really takes some thinking when you know your words will be immortalized perhaps for many decades of their lives together. Wisdom on a subject like this has to be dug for, and quite ironically these four points came to me as I was digging in the garden today planting some more flowers (hoping that we would get some summer this year so they can grow!)

Most wisdom comes to us thought trial and error and so it is true with these words of mine. Much of what I have to say has come from my own struggles and dysfunction in these areas. Only in crying out to God have I found any hope of resolution in these areas (and I'm still working on some of them)

I thought I'd include them for your thinking pleasure today.

Dear Chris and Sarah,
What a wonderful day this is, June 21st, 2008. Whatever the future holds for you, this date will go down in history as the moment of the biggest commitment of your life.

Chris, your Mom and Dad have asked for words of wisdom for you and I have summarized four points for your careful consideration.

The first one is commitment. I'm sure you have heard lots about commitment as you have contemplated marriage but the word commitment needs to be more clearly defined as a commitment to communicate. It would be naive to assume that you will never act in the flesh. Life is going to get complicated.
You will tend to go in opposite directions and you will grow apart over time. It is the natural law of the sin nature and of marriage in general to grow apart as life gets busy and time goes by. When offenses occur, and they will, the natural tendency is to withdraw, and resent. The difference to a successful marriage and a subsistence marriage is that one major factor. The commitment to stay married, though thick and thin but more specifically, the commitment to stay in communication and resist resentment and isolationism.This is when the commitment to communicate will produce opportunities for some very “intense
moments of fellowship” but the rewards will be a stronger marriage and a deeper understanding of each other and the oneness that you will eventually achieve in your marriage.

The greatest gift you can give each other and any future children
is a strong marriage, not just a subsistence marriage.

The second thought I had is, be together. Be together as a family now and after you have children, should you be so blessed. Do everything together. Build together a house or a plan garden or a ministry or a family, but do it together. Whatever it is, be one in direction and be and live together. Knowing that the natural, tendency is
to grow apart, this will be a safeguard and an antidote to destructive forces in your lives together.

This, of course, does not mean that either of you cannot never do anything alone, baby showers, or golfing with the guys, etc, but the oneness of direction should be found in your everyday life. Nor does it mean that each of you will not be doing different tasks that make up the overall goal, but the overall focus is on working together, in the same direction for the common purpose.

Make your home the centrality of all family life. This takes intentional purpose and even within the church you will find good intentioned people purposing to fragment your family in all different directions and for different purposes. Be one in all that you do, in family worship, family work and family play. Many distractions will complete for your hearts. Avoid the current tendency to run to meetings, important clubs, and working late instead building your home around the sacredness of the home. Make relationships your top priority even at the expense of profit.

Build a home, a nest where virtue can be developed.

I know several families that have mastered this art and it is no small feat for the size of these families. Many of them have between 8 and 11 children and they all go everywhere together. They serve in ministry together, put an addition on the house together and they build their homestead together and all the children are learning at their father's and mother's side to serve and grow and mature. It is a testimony of the oneness between the parents and the children have learned to follow. They are powerful families that have formed family conviction as each of the children grow into maturity ready to grow their own families.

Thirdly, fulfill your God ordained roles within the family. Chris, love your wife and be the leader and initiator of your home. All selfishness and independence must die at the alter. Learning to lead a family may take some time to master but it will set up the environment for your wife to truly be feminine, to be a support, companion and advisor to you all your life.

She will find it difficult to honor you if you will not be honorable in taking the lead and initiative and if she feels unloved in any way. I have seen many wives frustrated and alienated because their husbands will not lead but sit passivlly until their wives give up and take over. This makes it very difficult for wives to function this way and a loss of respect is inevitable. Our entire culture is generally manless, so I say, Chris be a man, be counter culture in this manless, feminized society.

Sarah, be a woman in all that the Word calls beautiful. Develop a meek and quiet spirit and resort to prayer in times of unresolved disagreements. Be faithful, so your husbands heart can safely trust in you. Be a blessing to him and be a good housekeeper, full of industry and productivity. Be happy and create your home, not expecting him to be the one to make you happy. Provide for him a home full of the fragrance of your sweet spirit and the aroma of a good home cooked meal.

The fourth and final thought is a word of advice that is not what you may have typically heard in premarriage counselling, in social circles nor even in church circles these days. It too, is very counter cultural, but it is entirely Biblical. Children are a blessing. The number of children that you have is not as important as the profound principle that children are a blessing. “Go forth and multiply” and I pray God's blessing on the fruitfulness of your relationship and to be blessed with many children!

Rejoicing with you this day and in your lives together.
Elvis and Janet Langford
Jonathan,
Graydon,
Ryan and Stephanie,
Abbie (3) and Caden, (1)
Amy and Tim, Gabriel, (1)

What words of wisdom would you speak to encourage a young couple just starting out in life?

Living a Lifestyle of Learning daily

Thank You for Making Me a Mother!

My grandmother used to come to visit us every year or two when I was growing up and she frequently seemed to be visiting on her Birthday in August. She always did something that was rather confusing to me as a child. On HER birthday, she gave everyone ELSE presents.

That gave me an idea!

This Mothers Day, I want to give my children a gift, a blessing to show my gratitude to you (my children) for making me a mother.

I was born a woman (female), choice made me a wife, but I became a mother when I gave birth. Yes, some in the more modern world might say it too was a choice, but I call it destiny. Each child has a purpose and placed in time for HIS purpose by God. And more importantly never is any child an "accident."

I have had the privilege of raising four precious children. Each one has touched me and made me a different person. Each one created for me different challenges and many, many times I would fall on my face (knees) and cry out for wisdom knowing full well I could not do this alone. Many times I would have the victory and many times I failed. My self centered nature would rule and my flesh dominated when it should not have. But what do hope to have taught you all is that you too will need God's grace in your life as well, as you too will fail! Cry out to HIM as you are raising your precious ones. You cannot do this alone!

Ryan, my son, my champ. My sweet boy, so seeking approval and so tender hearted in his love for his Mommy. You softened my heart and opened it full to the sensitive nature that you have been given. You are the first part in the matching set of boy and girl twins- my pride and joy. You have grown up and are tall and a man and I'm so proud of you. You actively love your wife and lead your family gently, with wisdom and firmness. You weathered the storm in your health with a stature that I'm sure I would not have.

Thank you for being a good example (most of the time) for your brothers. They look up to you and admire you and you have modelled for them manly leadership in your home.

I love your convictions. I love the theocratic conversations that we have had and I know I can bounce things off you knowing that you will give me full hearing and that you will offer advice based on earned truth and your wisdom.

Thank you for giving me Stephanie, another daughter (we have so much in common!) and to top that off, you both have given me two beautiful grandchildren. Abbie is the light of my life, and Caden is quickly becoming an image of the memories I had of you as a baby.

Amy Joy, the second half of my pride and joy. How I loved having a daughter. Some of the best memories I have of you growing up is you always being in the the kitchen with me, chopping and talking, stirring and chatting. You always seemed to be there and I miss you terribly. I respected your advice on color and style and you were the one I could depend on to be a girl in a house full of boys. (not that that was all that bad) Your sweet nature shines and I love your love for your husband. I delight in seeing you love and raise your sweet baby boy. What fun. What delight to see him challenge you and to see you rising to the call and practicing the art of motherhood.

Thank you for loving your brothers so much. You are looked up to and respected by one tall brother and two getting taller brothers.

Thank you for giving me Tim, another son in a long line of boys. (and I love it) He is so dedicated to his family and I feel relief and trust in his care and manly protection of you and your children. Thank you, Tim for being a man in a man-absent culture.

Jonathan, my sweet tender boy. I saw a drawing of a little curly tussle headed two year old boy and my heart filled with desire to have you. You are that boy, (curls and all) sweet, tender and kind. You used to twirl your curly hair around your finger until it got stuck, and you used to jump off your top bunk at three years old, and then increasing numbers of stairs and who knows what else if we weren't looking. And yet your heart is tender and your ability for relationships is well formed. Your grasp of scriptural principles is good and I love your wit.
Your art and vision with wood is wonderful and I love all the wood presents I have and will be receiving.

I love seeing you love your "little" brother, who was gift for you. You compliment each other well.

I am praying for God's choice for your life companion and one day will have to give you up to her....not without a gentle fight)

Graydon Isaac William, the tiny little baby with the long name. I delighted in seeing you tucked in the corner of the couch as a two week old baby on Christmas day, always checking to see if you were alright. Another beautiful baby boy, and for Christmas! How I loved you. And how quickly you learned to compete with your brother....and how you got into things... like Vaseline!
You are self motivated and love learning and love making up games. I love your sense of humor and find it amazing that we choose the name Isaac, which means laughter for you truly make me laugh!Thank you for being my son and being who you are. (Hug your Mawther!)

I am praying for your future help meet as well. Develop vision for your life, my son and she will compliment you well. I will not give you up without a fight either. She is going to have to be someone pretty good!

Some children come into our lives for only a short time and we share in their struggle for life but it ends prematurely. We would not have planned that short life but the pain and grief of that loss touches us and we will never be the same again.

To my sweet little girl, Jenny. You will always be in my heart. A year and a half was way too short but oh, how you changed my life! When I get to heaven I will be looking for you. Please look for me. I want to hold you again. I want to see you healed and happy and a beautiful young woman! Will I recognize you?

It took me a while to realize that you were the completion of the five children that had in my heart. You were first but, I had not counted backwards till recently.

Thank you, my children for making me a mother. I love you and pray for you and I give you a charge now to carry the baton. Don't drop it, but carry it on and pass it well until we (together) complete a 200 year plan of Godly redemption in our family line. Remember, you are now raising your grandchildren, while your children are young, so walk accordingly.

Go ahead and make me a Mom and Pop Herd! (if you do not know what I mean-ask me!)

Where did I learn to be a Mother? From my Mother, of course. So this is also an honor for my Mother this Mother's Day. "Thanks, Mom." You really taught me how through example and though words of wisdom. I learned so much from you. (and still do)

Have a great day everyone!
Janet, Mom, Mommy, Grandma

Let Prayer Change your Life

One of the many benefits of having an online book business is that we frequently are mixing with many gold mines of knowledge and inspiration (books) that are in my search list. I finally found Let Prayer Change Your Life by Becky Tirabassi. I have wanted this book for some time but never got around to ordering it. Now with the next three months ahead of me I have started tackling this great lagging discipline in my life since we have moved into the city 2 1/2 years ago. (Yea, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it)

One of the impressions that I get already, in the first chapter, is that it is not prayer that will change your life but committed communion with God will. The time spent with Someone who not only loves us deeply and sacrificially but just being in His presence WILL change us into His likeness. What a promise!

Oh, how I long to change. (No, not my flesh, I expect that will put up a fight- but my spirit. ) How can you not want to know the author of the greatest story ever told, the God of creation and of all human history?

This is one of the three or four books to tackle in the next three months, along with a study on the character of God and the book of Proverbs and another book that has been chompin' at the bit, Child Training Tips: What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young by Reb Bradley! More on this great book in a few weeks as I get to start it.