"You have arrived!"

I have been saving, ...and planning ...and researching for what to me is a rather large purchase. Technology does not come easy to me but I found it next to impossible to go without one of these time and almost life saving tools... a GPS.

I contemplated for many months and finally laid down the cash with anticipation, walked away with high hopes and those hopes have not let me down. I love it.

In the three weeks that we have used it on every trip it has already saved me from much stress and last minute reckless lane changes and who knows how many tickets for U turns!

We even named it. It is called Squishy after Finding Nemo fame. It goes with us everywhere and "it will be my squishy and it will be mine."

But something keeps bothering me about it. One particular phrase that it repeats at the end of each and every trip keeps echoing in my mind. It says simply," You have arrived." At first it evoked a chuckle and a grin. "Ha, I have arrived." Then a just a grin and then a little consternation. Oh to have it so simple.

As I am endeavoring to encourage many a young Mom out here to stay the course in Homeschooling with vision, home business for skills, home cooking for health, and homemaking with love, I want to make sure that we have a complete understanding.

I have NOT arrived.

I have learned much in my years at home, and through many struggles but to be perfectly honest, I still struggle at times. I have not mastered all that I preach. I think in principles but act in the flesh. Nevertheless it is in the struggle that the search for God's way begins for all of us. And I am still on the path, just a little ahead of many of you.

....Just wanted you to know that.

Have a good day.... Living a Lifestyle of Learning daily

Chance? No.... Providence, I say

I am so blessed. For many people church is a chore or an obligation, a routine like putting in time at the laundromat. Worse, to some, church attendance is a mindless exercise not being fully aware of exactly why we do this every week or twice yearly as it is with many in the traditional Bible Belt.

To my family, church is a wonderfully delightful "family event."

Why is my church so different? Well, I will tell you a story.

Several years ago I was having serious thoughts about Sunday school and youth groups. The battle for my children's hearts seemed continual and rotated around several issues raised always by events planned by the church. I found myself arguing with youth group leaders about the types of movies that were shown, late night hours and quite a load of junk food not only available but peer group encouraged to consume. Several rock concerts (Christian rock, of course) and the accompanied "lock in" sleep overs threatened to turn me into one of those raging parents in defence of my sweet ones innocence.

The events were all "fun" activities so I guess that is why we tend to overlook them at first but it gets deeper and so does the struggle. Most of the teen rebellion, be it large or small is generally then to be expected and parents are encouraged to go with it and just get them through it.

"Raise them in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it." Why then are 75 % of our youth leaving the church...permanently? I started realizing even though I believed in home education and non age segregated social life, I was somehow thoughtlessly sending my precious little hearts off in age segregated Sunday school classrooms and groups with whomever happened to be the teacher that day. And I often did not know what they were teaching my child about God (another clue...ABOUT God)

Furthermore, the youth group that my now grown children were attending several years ago was led by leaders not much older than my own children. (fools leading fools) Somehow that seems to qualify these leaders as "they can to relate to the kids where they are."

At one point the leader decided to have a (outreach) school book burning bonfire a the end of the school year.
Did I protest?
You know me too well!

Another time one of the youth group members was tied to a street post, toilet papered and sprayed with whipped cream and left there for what was supposed to be several hours...because it was his birthday. That activity was initiated by the youth leaders. I was not very popular when I let loose on them all and untied the poor boy, who by the way was not laughing! Neither is he in the church today.

Another memory comes to mind when I stumbled upon a youth group meeting in process while attending a wedding rehersal where 10 or 15 kids were gathered around a huge water barrel. I was confused seeing one of the young boys with his head immersed up to the neck in the floating ice and water. The kids around were counting hilariously. The challenge was who could keep their head under, breath held for the longest. I still recalled the deathly grey of his face and the obvious disorientation and seeming blindness of one such boy as he came bursting out of the glacier bath. I regret standing by silently in shock. Sufficeth to say I am glad for the leaders sake that my son was not the one in the barrel at the time I stumbled upon the scene. 911 would have had two calls that night.

Fortunately, because of a move to the middle of nowhere on acreage out in the sticks of Arkansas, I had the time to actually think about what I believe and more specifically what the Bible says about youth and how they are to be raised. Many verses immediately came to memory and I found even more as I searched the Scriptures. I started afresh and simply kept my children out of age segregated groups altogether. It wasn't met with a whole lot of encouragement, and even some downright mild rebukes but I held firm, stayed strong, and gained some quiet respect. Still I was continually frustrated by the wonderfully fun type of announcements of what the next Friday night group meeting would bring all the while my boys sitting beside me in church more than slightly pulled with desire.

Then it happened. I called an old friend back in Seattle to make the announcement that we were about to move back to the west coast and she said, "Oh, that' too bad. We won't be in town the weekend you arrive. We are going to a Conference."

My ears pricked up? "Oh? What conference? "

"A Uniting Church and Home Conference."

Uniting Church...and Home... Conference? I was intrigued.

She explained only a little and I knew I had to go. "Do you mean to say that there are other people out there who believe in keeping children's hearts at home and within the family, even at church? That there are whole churches that do not divide the family in age segregated groups the minute you walk through the door? That there aren't any youth group fun filled foolishness packed activity's announced over the microphone for me to have t0 say no?

"Yep."

And to make this story shorter, through that wonderful conference over three years ago we found one of those rare and wonderful churches. At first, to be honest with you, it was a little different and hard to get used to. We were used to a different style of worship and quite easier messages to listen to.
Within a few short weeks though, you could not drag my boys away from the sweet fellowship of mixed ages of many wonderful home school families who believed exactly as we did. Many of them had come through the same path as we did. Furthermore, our new Pastor's wonderful expository preaching spoiled us for anything less for ever more. It is deep and accurate and he lives his faith explicitly.

I confess again, this isn't an easy church to sit in. I have had quite a bit of my theology redefined and challenged. Every week I find myself crying out to God to make me more Holy as He is Holy as I apply the Word to my heart. That, if you have never tried it, is not comfortable.

Consequently, we have all grown in our faith and we have the most wonderful friends of all ages. One of my best friends is 15, a beautiful and fully competant young lady who is the second of 11 children. One of her younger brothers I affectionately call my "little buddy." I have intimate fellowship with both adult single ladies of the church and older Saints in the Lord. Our church is filled with families, fathers and mothers, not just women attendees- a common plight in this manless culture. All over the building you can see every age fellowshipping with any and every other age and group, a teenager talking to a 5 year old, a twenty some thing young lady talking to an older man.

We also have a shared meal at the end of each service. What sweetness of fellowship. It is a whole day of truth in the Word, fellowship with sweet unspoiled home educated friends, and home cooked nourishing food. And all of this is not in a small isolated country town in the center of nowhere but in the heart of one of the busiest and most liberal cities in the US. Seattle.

Chance? No,... Providence, I say.

Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door will be opened to you.

We are so blessed! Thank you Lord, for your direction. Had I not been struggling, I may not have recognized your blessing and found a place to both challenge us and found a place of quiet rest.

For a directory of family integrated churches in your area check out this link. I highly recommend at least a visit.

Living a Lifestyle of Learning daily

A prodical's return - a moms' story

The importance of keeping your child's heart is so important BUT life happens and we are not perfect and we do offened and put distance between us and our precious children. When that happens we may not even know it has happened as many of us chalk distant behavior as normal growing distance that is supposed to happen between us and our teens as they mature. NOT SO. The emotional connection is meant to continue and grow in intimacy thoughtout the years so that the most important years of their lives, the teens and early twenties, are not left to chance or worse peer influence. Our children should not be without a guide, confidant or words of wisdom when they need them.

Moms- do not let your children go. DO not loose their hearts but if you do here is a story of a sweet mom willing to face some difficult issues in her own life and the fruit that came out of it. She regained her son's heart! (This email is in responce to an inquiring email on a yahoo group that I belong to.)

Dear Susan,

I wanted to give testimony of what the Lord has done in our family. You have written a perfect description of my son up until a couple years ago when he was 13. He is also second born, just like the son described here. I read your e-mail to him as well, and he said, "That sounds just like how I was!"

He's 15 now, and he is sooo changed. I have his heart completely, and he is willingly and eagerly attentive to my every instruction and influence. He's become affectionate and loving toward me and all his siblings. (I have 5 kids all together). He's become very focused in fully directing his own education with self government, and valuable purpose, with the only curriculum being his math book.

So, how did this happen? That's what I want to share and encourage others with. I've been trying to think of how to express what happened in a brief e-mail, but truthfully, I could write a book about it if I had the time. So I'll just try and hit some of the main things I learned.

He's not the only one who's had major changes. It began when I started to learn from a friend who was loving enough to tell me the truth, that I was motivated by my desire to be accepted by the people around me, in all that I did. I cared more about my image, than about my children and my home. A couple years ago, I would not have agreed with her, but now I see, she was totally right.

Part of what frustrated me the most about my son, if I was really honest, is that he wasn't conforming to my image of how my homeschooling family was supposed to be turning out. Even though no one around me really even knew about it. From the outside my family was quite perfect looking. I'm not talking about a life of pretending to be one way in front of people and being another at home. My desire for my image of the perfect family was carried out in my everyday life, whether anyone outside the family could see me or not.

I started listening to my conscience about how I was treating my family members. I started changing, and I soon began to speak with my children about listening to their consciences, and how our conscience will always lead us toward acts of love, and away from acts of self-centeredness. I noticed that my younger children were quite sensitive to obeying their consciences, but my 13 yr old son was not. I came to realize the truth, that he did not want to obey his conscience. I let him know, and I admitted as well, that he had not surrendered his heart to the Lord. Up until that time, I had thought he prayed the sinners prayer, that means he's a Christian, just like the rest of us.

At that time, I had been frustrated with him not taking up the smallest of disciplines. I wanted him to wash his face, clean his room, keep his school records. He was regularly avoiding these small things, and sometimes even lying about doing them. At that time, the Lord showed me a principle, that Love enables us to obey.

With this understanding, and by the leading of the Holy Spirit, I required my son to meet with me at 8:00 each morning for a few minutes. In these minutes, I sat close to him, and put my arm around him. I told him I loved him, and ran my hand through his hair and touched his face. I brought up anything I could encourage him with about the previous day. I prayed for him, and then asked him to remember the 3 small things I wanted him to do. I kissed him, and then asked him to go do them before breakfast. I was doing this in obedience to the Lord, and it was a sacrifice. He had not been an affectionate son for many years.

I thought this was just the Lord's solution to getting him to do these 3 small things, but He had much more in mind. Over the days, my son was easily able to do the tasks, but something else was happening. He began to look forward to being loved on. He loosened up, and began to lean into my affection. He began to ask me about small relational problems he was having with his siblings. Actually, he began to ask me lots of things, just to be able to stay longer in my arms. Even though he showed no indication of returning the affection.

I didn't really know it at the time, but his heart was being turned toward me. One night, there was a big storm, in which my dog disappeared. We began to search for him, and my son was the most concerned. I thought at the time he was concerned about the dog, but I later learned, he was concerned about me, because he knew how much I loved my dog. The next afternoon, he found my dog, killed in the ditch. I cried, and my son comforted me. The Lord had been speaking to his conscience, and as we prepared to bury my dog, he felt compelled to confess his hidden sexual sin to me. He was afraid that his sin had caused my dog to die. He came to me trembling and weeping, and asking my forgiveness. I showered him with forgiveness and hugs, and I assured him it wasn't true, but the Lord was allowing him to understand in a kid understandable way, that our sin did cause His son to die. The Lord was allowing my son to be broken over his sin, and the hurt that he thought had caused me, even though I didn't know about his sin. He told me that he felt very guilty about his sin, and he had tried often to stop, but he was always afraid to tell me. He thought I would get really mad. But, he said, now he knew that I loved him enough to help him get out of the sin, instead of just getting mad about it. I was stunned, but I knew it was the work of the Lord. I began to cry again, but this time it was in gratefulness to the Lord, that the death of my dog brought my son's heart to me.

Since that time, my son has continued to meet with me every morning at 8:00. I no longer require it, but he wouldn't miss it for the world, and neither would I. He sits with me, often for an hour. Sometimes I have to tell him to leave, so that he'll have time to get some breakfast. All those little tasks, he eagerly does and more, before he meets with me. Now we talk about his projects, and how he can overcome the challenges he's having with them, and how he can make them more well rounded by including some self generated writing projects. We talk about his relationship with each of his siblings, and how he can purposefully improve them, with self-sacrificing love. He's learned to say nice things, which he could never bring himself to do before. I hold him accountable, and ask about his conscience regularly. He looks me square in the eyes with a big beaming smile, and tells me his conscience is clean. He often speaks about how he never wants to go back to hiding sin, and the horrible feelings of living in guilt and hidden shame. He talks candidly about how his fear of my disapproval lead him to become a liar. He speaks with teary eyes of how the Lord has set our family free.

He is right. It was my disapproval, which was actually being formed by my own fear of being disapproved of. I wanted to be perfect, and have the perfect family, so I was quick to discipline my children into conforming to my image of the perfect family. I put it to another young mom this way, if you want your kids to be obedient, and to excel so that you will look good, then they will become what you are, a user of others for self-centered gain. Those days are long gone. I only need to love them, and truthfully show them the way toward obeying their conscience, and always choosing to love, as the Holy Spirit leads, first and foremost toward their siblings and parents and never using others for anything, even for seeking approval.

My story is not a formula to get your teenager's hearts. But I did learn several principles that are always true. Love enables us to change, and we can't help our children to change if the reason we want them to change is for our own image, for then we are only using them, not loving them. Everyone has a need to be known for the wretches that we truly are, and still be loved. The Holy Spirit knows what is needed, but His way will always include doing things we'd really rather not do. I thought it was only my adolescent son who's heart I did not have, but after coming to see what it was like to truly have someone's heart, I saw that I didn't have my older daughter's hearts either, even though they appeared to be much more compliant, and wanting the things of the Lord. Our family is totally changed now. Praise to the Lord!

I know I haven't been able to express all of the aspects of our total family transformation in this e-mail, but I am open to questions that can draw out more principles about what I have learned about the way the Lord works.
Susan, please be encouraged, the Holy Spirit knows what to do, He's only waiting for your co-operation with His ways. I have been praying for you.

Barbie

If you have any questions or discussions for Barbie, post them here and I will pass them on to her for her for reply, or email directly at bpoling@aol.com